T Square

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I never thought that my day would be like this. Knowing that I’ll have a super busy schedule feels like hell.

Until you came….

You made a funny joke. You pointed me your TSQUARE saying that “Holdap to”. I am seriously nervous. The girl beside me looked. But when I looked at you, my heart didn’t stop beating. It’s you. Why? Destiny is really a great plot twister. We met in an unexpected time and place. I also didn’t know that it’ll ever happen.

I was hiding my smile all along. My heart didn’t stop beating fast and I still can’t believe it is happening. When the time came for me to go. I was praying that “Lord. Please let him go this way too. I wanted to talk to him”.

And yes, Lord. You are really good. We went the same way and we never let the chance go for us to talk. I am feeling a little bit awkward but I loved it when he tried to say different topics or questions for us to talk.

I am looking forward for another unexpected meeting. I knew time will come, our eyes will meet again. But one thing is for sure…

…my heart won’t stop beating fast when I’ll see him again.

Hey there. I just wanted you to know that, I missed you so much. I hope to see you more often. And also….

…please don’t say “holdap to” again. ‘Cause you already have my heart. Isn’t that enough? 🙂

Green.

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Last time, I saw a guy wearing green shirt. As I look at him, my heart beats faster than expected. I knew. I knew from the very first look, it was him.

I said to them, that even though you’ll be in front of me, I’ll prove to them that I moved on. But fck. The moment I saw your back, I forgot what I have said.

You’re still the same guy I knew. You still love wearing green tees and your black backpack. Your gestures were still the same. The way you walk. The way you smile. The way you stand. They were all still the same.

I’m just so proud of you. You were able to go out with classmates. Even though it was for school purposes, it was a progress in you.

We didn’t talk. We didn’t look at each other’s eyes. They said that you’re looking. But I can’t. So, I’m looking at you secretly. I really don’t know why. I wanted to talk to you. But, I still remember our last chat conversation. It didn’t end well. So I think that it was better not to talk to you that day.

But hey green guy, I missed you. A lot..

Tres.

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Three days from now. It will be 2 years ago.

since the happiest day of my life came.

And this time, I promise that, in three days, i will stop.

I’ll try. I will try moving on. Or should I say, I should move on.

And I wanted to say good bye for now. It was the most heartbreaking thing that I will do. But I really need to. My heart says so.

Thank you for all the memories. Thank you. And good bye.

I need you now.

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“Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor.
Reaching for the phone ’cause I can’t fight it anymore.

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?
For me it happens all the time.”

 

You promised me. That whenever I need someone to talk to, you will be there. You’re there. But where are you right now? I was longing for that promise. I miss you. I need you.

 

“It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone and I need you now.
Said I wouldn’t call but I’ve lost all control and I need you now.
And I don’t know how I can do without.
I just need you now.”

 

I’m all alone. No one can understand what I feel. No one. So please. Can you? Can you be the one who will understand the way I feel? 

 

“Another shot of whiskey, can’t stop looking at the door.
Wishing you’d come sweeping in the way you did before.

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?
For me it happens all the time.”

 

‘And I wonder if I ever cross your mind? For me it happens all the time..’ It happens all the time. It haunts me. And I hate it. Coz I’m missing you more. 

 

“It’s a quarter after one, I’m a little drunk and I need you now.
Said I wouldn’t call but I’ve lost all control and I need you now.
And I don’t know how I can do without.
I just need you now.

Oh, whoa
Guess I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all.”

 

I’m hurt. I hurt too much. Can you fix me like you always do? Please. I want to ease this pain. I need you. Now.

 

“It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone and I need you now.
And I said I wouldn’t call but I’m a little drunk and I need you now.
And I don’t know how I can do without.
I just need you now
I just need you now.
Oh, baby, I need you now.”

 

I just need you now.

2 days..

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Yesterday night was a blast. At first, I was not excited about it. Supposed to be, I will just go with the flow. And one thing is for sure, I wanted to dance with you..

 

 

That time came. You offered your hand. “Nicole…asdfghjkl” you said. Haha. Sorry. I didn’t understand the next line you’ve said because I still can’t believe that you’re asking me to dance. I looked at your friends, smiled and say, “Trip nito ‘to noh?” ‘Cause I knew how weird your friends are. But you said, “Hindi. Ako talaga gustong mag-sayaw sa’yo.” And still your hand was there.

 

I looked back, seeing your friends smile and I think that they were saying that I should say yes because that is the chance for us to talk and settle things. 

 

I held your hand. And they started to gather again. I heard you say, “Na-miss kita.” But I wasn’t able to say that I miss you because they started to take pictures of us. I was so shy that all I can do is to lean over your shoulder and feel this moment. I missed you. I miss you a lot.

 

When they stopped, I started to talk. We started to talk. You said everything you wanted to say, (I think) but I wasn’t able to, because I went blank that night. I was speechless. 

 

While we were talking, I felt your hand tightening at my waist. I was about to let go. But then, I changed my mind. I never wanted to let you go. That’s why I asked you other things. And also. I asked the question, “why”.

 

 

I let you go at the first song, I remember your friend said that we should dance for atleast two songs. But I said no, deep inside, I really wanted to end up dancing with him until the prom ends.

 

I thanked your/our friends. I know that without them, I will never survived in longing for you. I thanked them for helping me. Thanked them for the last time. Because I know that it will be the last time…

 

 

I even cried in saying my thanks. I cried because I really don’t know what to do without them. They even said, “Wag ka ng umiyak, sayang make up” But then it made me cry more. I was really grateful that they were your/my friends. And then you came again, asking, what happened, that’s why I stopped. I tried to stop. And smile again. 

 

One of my and also your friend danced with me. I said thanks again. He was the one who was there when I’m really down without you. And at the end, he passed me to you again. At first, I was about to say no, but then you said that you will say something, that’s why, I danced with you again. But that time, I think it was the heartbreaking moment of all time. You said that you will not put yourself in the relationship again ’cause you think that you’re still an immature one. But I said that I just wanted to be okay with you. No more no less.

 

 

And that was the biggest lie I’ve ever made. 

 

 

We danced again. I was your last dance. And also you were my last dance.

 

 

 

And at the end, I said good bye…

 

 

When we were about to take a picture with all of our classmates, I saw you looking at me. I asked why, you just said, “observing..” I asked why again. But you didn’t answer. You’re just looking at me…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Can you just, observe me all the time? I just, wanted you to look at me. I never wanted to let you go..Never. 

10 days…

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Why? Why are we like this ‘again’? 

 

We’re not talking again. We’re not looking at each other’s eyes again. What happened? 

 

 

10 days more. Please. Please. Give me a chance to spend the last ten wonderful days with you. 

 

I am willing to give up everything for you and me. 

 

 

Why didn’t you congratulate me? I am waiting for you to do so. I’m still waiting. And waiting…

JS Prom is approaching..and I’m gonna suffer remembering all those wonderful memories we had last year. I’m glad that you will join again. But at the same time, lonely, having the fact that we were not like that before. Last year, I was excited knowing that you’re there. But now? I really don’t know what to feel.

 

 

 

I need you. I badly need you now.

23 Days..

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We’ve been busy like hell these days. 

 

 

 

 

 

And no more great day like ‘that’ day.

 

 

Your friends said that you’re waiting for me ‘that’ day.

 

 

Is that right? 

A month and 26 days.

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I’ll start the countdown of the days that we will be spending together. I mean. As classmates. As friends. As…strangers.

 

 

This time, We only have a month and 26 days. And I’m sure enough that we will never complete that days. Because of different matters in the way.

 

Honestly, I’m feeling bad. I mean, worse. No, it should be, worst. This feeling was the worst of all. I didn’t know that after all this time, I always end up hurting like this. I loved you and I love you still. No one can ever change that fact.

 

I was about to give up. I was about to move on. Until..

 

 

 

 

 

 

..that class picture came.

 

 

 

 

 

It feels like, we came back from our First Year High School life. And I missed it. A lot.

Reach my hand

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Reach my hand

Nicole B. Amarante

Reach my hand, I’ll prove my love to you

Every minute, every second might pass but

No one can ever change that, even a

Zillion of reason may not be enough

You, until now it has been always you

Can you stay with me once more?

Only then, I’ll show you that I am that

Someone who can understand you

One that will be always there for you, so

Reach my hand and stay by my side, ’cause

In my heart and in this poem

Only your name will come out and be seen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~