After several months, I am here again. But this time, not to rant about something, sharing stories that inspired me, and I know, will inspire others.
There’s so many things going on in my life recently. Some were just going overboard that I kept on thinking and praying about it every night. Family. Family problems. I know that those circumstances really come to our life but this time, it’s just wrong timing. I’ve been asking God for provision for the upcoming youth camp on our church. I know that I really need that to empower and to seek Jesus more. I’ve been keeping money but those circumstances came that I almost lost hope in pre-registering my slot for the camp. Until the deadline came, and my leader said that someone will pay for our pre-reg fees. God used her as an instrument for the both of us. I almost cried thinking that I really lost hope.
Then, there’s the full payment deadline came, I was worried when my scholarship money will be given to me by the 3rd week of May, which means, I will not be able to pay the full amount for the camp. But with the help of the Intramuros Team, we were able to conduct fund raising for this camp. We sell books, artworks and even clothes. Some of the leaders in our team completed their payment on the exact deadline. At first, I was not afraid. Because I believe that God will extend the deadline. I claimed it to God. We tried to talk with the organizers and they even said that it was really due that day. And I kept on praying. ‘God, is it really what you wanted?’ I even lost strength and just went home to overcome this sadness.
And that’s it. The deadline extended for a week. This date. May 8. I’ve been asking God for whatever His decision is. And last Thursday, I made a decision. Where I will just focus on my Vweek first, and will give the pre-reg fee to my leader, so she will be able to complete the payment. ‘Cause I know that they will not extend anymore, and that I claimed that this is what God wants.
But I was wrong. So wrong. We shouldn’t under estimate the power of God. The power of our might Lord.
Ate Meg, one of the leaders on our Intramuros team, personally talked to me. She started asking what my decision is. So, I said it. I’ll give up my slot. And she said, ‘What did God say?’ I was stunned. It was me who claimed that my decision is what God’s decision for me. I really don’t know God’s answer to me yet. I was confused. I kept on holding back my tears and said. ‘That it is a NO, ate’ I choked. Is it really a, no? I explained to her why, about family problems and such. And asked me again ‘Ano ba sabi ni God?’ this time, I wasn’t able to hold back my tears. I gave up. I denied God’s answer. Whatever it is, I gave up. I told her about those circumstances again and my decision and she said, ‘Sumuko ka na agad?’ I felt like I am being shot a hundred times. It’s true. I gave up. I comforted myself as that is God’s answer but the bottom line is, I gave up.
At the end, Ate paid for our camp. We wasn’t able to accept that it was ‘I’ll give you’ because we wanted to pay for that but ate refused. ‘God blessed me to bless you. I’ll invest to you girls because the camp will help you empower your faith and came back as a mighty warrior.’
It is true that God will use people as an instrument to bless others. We shouldn’t give up in waiting God’s answer. Sometimes, God uses those different circumstances to test if you really have faith in Him. I know that I acted doubtful. It seems unfaithful for God but still, God is faithful to me. He really does amazing things at those amazing times. I thank God for giving me such wonderful people in guiding me as I walk with Him. God is forever amazing. He will do things beyond our expectation. Jesus loves surprises. He will let you realized what you’ve done, reflect and enjoy His decision.