To be honest, I really wanted to express my feelings through this for a long time now. But because of some matters, I wasn’t able to. I dunno. It’s just that, I am not what I am before.
I miss my other self. The one who just loved to write and express. Not worrying anything, instead release all the stress through writing. Unlike now that I prefer to keep it into myself, until I have no more space for it and burst out. It is bad I know. But that’s what I am right now. And I really don’t like it.
I miss myself being free at home. I hated it when my grandma was comparing me into other people. Like, hello. We were not the same. She was full of doubts in me. And I think that, she has no trust in me. She didn’t know me. I wasn’t like that. I wasn’t like any other girls who will torture themselves. They knew all my friends because I want them to trust in me. She is so realistic that I almost died thinking about all the worries she had. I knew I can take care of myself. I knew what’s the best for me for them not to worry. But it seems like, they didn’t understand. They just go on, scolding me about something I wasn’t about to do.
I miss my healing time. Going out with friends, having fun, having peace. I badly need my healing time. I really need it.
I miss being cared about.
I miss my old self.
I miss writing.
I miss being with someone I can lean on.
I miss being the reason why someone laugh or smile.
And I really miss myself….